


Say Yule Be Mine (This Christmas Time)

by NarryMusings



Series: I Love You Clearly [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: (Sophiam is only mentioned one time), Christmas Angst, Christmas Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Niall and Harry spend Christmas in L.A., Sexual References, but that's not the only reason Niall is in a mood during these holidays, everyone except Niall and Harry are barely on screen at all, it's a far cry from the dreary skies of Ireland/England
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 04:54:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8954479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarryMusings/pseuds/NarryMusings
Summary: Most times, Christmas brings about joy and cheer. Often times, Christmas brings about nothing but problems. And sometimes, Christmastide is all of the above.Three years after Harry flies across the ocean to start a new life with him, Niall finds himself in L.A. experiencing all of the above.





	

He hates the heat. He hates how heavy it feels, and how it sticks to his body. He hates how it makes him feel too hot, like he’s burning from the inside out. He hates feeling sticky with it, hates how gross he feels when he sweats because of it, hates feeling like he needs to drink water constantly just to keep his mouth from going dry.

And he likes the sun, but he hates how hot the sun is in L.A.. He hates how he can literally feel it burning his fair, pale skin. He hates how everyone, and everything – from the birds and the bugs, to the girls running around in bikinis and blokes playing volleyball in the sand – seems to thrive in it, seems to be alive and energetic in it, like the sun is literally their source of energy, when all Niall wants and craves is the overcast, dreary skies of Ireland.

More than anything else, though, he hates that this heat, and the sun, and nothing else around him feels even a little bit like Christmas.

No matter how hard the people of L.A. try to make it seem like Christmas – with their fairy lights in their palm trees, and their decorations across their front, snowless lawns – it just…doesn’t feel like Christmas. It doesn’t even smell like Christmas.

This, he reckons, is the real root of his hatred of the sun and the heat, because he doesn’t actually hate the heat or the sun. In fact, the last time he came to L.A., he basked in both of them – in all of it. He loved the way the sun beat down on his skin, making him feel warmer than it ever would back in Ireland, and he loved the way the heat made him actually sweat, which is incredibly uncommon even during Irish summers.

He reckons, maybe, that he doesn’t really hate the heat, or the sun, at all. Not really.

He certainly doesn’t hate the way the heat, or the sun, looks on Harry. Doesn’t hate the way Harry’s skin turns all golden after a long day out in the sun, but doesn’t burn. Doesn’t hate the way the sweat trickles down the column of Harry’s throat, or the way the heat sticks to Harry’s skin and makes him all warm.

And he definitely doesn’t hate the way Harry wears even less clothes in the L.A. heat, than in England – or the way his yellow shorts hang low on his hips, fall only slightly under his bum. He doesn’t hate the way the water clings to, and catches and drags the material of the shorts down, leaving very little to the imagination.

Niall’s mouth runs dry, the way the rest of his body feels apart from the sweat he can feel trickling down the sides of his face from his hairline, as he watches Harry climb out of the pool. He watches the water drip down him, watches the way it clings to and catches and drags the material down, tries not to look like he’s gawking – and salivating – over the lines that make out Harry’s-

He’s pulled out of his thoughts when something cool and wet comes into contact with his skin, and when he looks up, gaze trained this time on Harry’s face – and the mischievous glint in Harry’s eye, is when he realizes that Harry must have splashed him from the edge of the pool. (Which is a weird feat, Niall thinks, because who would have thought that sun, and heat, and pools was, well, normal during Christmas?)

“Arse,” he mutters, folding his arms over his chest as he lounged back on the lawn chair.

“You’re so grumpy,” Harry observes, as he walks closer. His body is still dripping, and glistening, with water. “Cheer up, babe. It’s Christmas.”

Niall wants to roll his eyes, but he refrains – not that Harry would see him behind his sunglasses anyway. He’d just feel a bit guilty, is all. He’d agreed, and been more than a little bit enthusiastic to spend Christmas with Harry’s family, after all. Which means that it isn’t Harry’s fault that he’s grumpy.

Harry stands over him, giggles as the water dribbles out of his hair and lands on Niall’s torso, making the blond squirm and push a hand against Harry’s thigh to push him away.

“Don’t you dare,” Niall growls, and then-

Harry crawls over him, on top of the chair. He straddles Niall’s thighs, first, and then sprawls the length of his wet self – all five feet, and 11 inches – overtop Niall’s otherwise dry body. Niall tries to struggle, but Harry already has the upper hand, which means that he’s fighting to no avail.

“You’re such an arse,” Niall grumbles, once he’s given up a moment later. He can’t help but curl his arms around Harry’s shoulders.

“You love me though,” Harry murmurs, nuzzling his face against Niall’s neck.

“That’s debatable.”

“No it’s not. Nor is it debatable that you love my arse-“

“Your mother is right inside,” Niall scolds. “Don’t say things like that.”

Harry snorts. “It’s not like she doesn’t know, Niall. Nor is my mother what you were thinking about last night, when I-“

“And that conversation ends right there,” a voice says, following the tall brunette, with short, bubblegum pink hair, that walks past them, straight towards the pool.

Harry laughs, as he pulls back – and Niall decides, then, that the only good thing about the fact that he immediately burns in sunlight, is that Harry is less inclined to assume that Niall is blushing; even though he is. “You’re just jealous.”

Gemma shrugs, as he sits at the edge of the pool. “I mean, Niall’s hot, but no- I’m not jealous.”

“Then you’re bitter, because I’m getting laid and you’re not.”

Gemma glares at him, her green eyes hard and her eyebrows furrowed, but even Niall knows she’s only putting on a show. “Arse.”

“Also- I wouldn’t count on getting laid anymore,” Niall says. “At least not anytime soon.”

Harry rolls his eyes as he pushes himself, his arse falling onto the cushion between Niall’s thighs. “Mhmm,” he hums, clearly unconvinced. “We’ll see how much you’re gag-“

Niall clamps his hand over Harry’s mouth quickly. “You’re the worst.”

Harry’s lips stretch into a smirk beneath Niall’s palm, and he doesn’t have to use words for Niall to know what he’s thinking; _That’s not what you said last night._

Niall has half a mind to get up and walk away. He thinks, briefly, that he should tell Harry that he’s going to sleep in the guest bedroom instead of in Harry’s old childhood room with him, if for no other reason than to prove a point. Except, well, they both know that even if Niall could manage to actually crawl into bed without Harry, he’d never last – whether he gave up and went back to Harry’s room, or whether he welcomed Harry with open arms the minute Harry came in. It’s happened enough times at home, now, that he knows he’d never actually succeed.

“I love you,” Harry murmurs, when Niall drops his hand a moment later.

The blond surges forward, captures Harry’s soft, sun-kisses lips with his own, slightly chapped ones. He kisses Harry slowly, softly, lovingly; relishes in the taste and warmth of Harry’s mouth, and the butterflies that come to life in his stomach as Harry kisses back. “I love you too,” he whispers.

“Do you want a beer?” Harry asks, pushing himself to his feet. “Mum said that Robin picked up some Guinness this morning for you.”

“Sure, yeah,” Niall nods, as Harry walks towards the door. “Thanks, babe.”

“So, Horan,” Gemma says, from where she’s still sitting behind the pool. “When are you gonna propose to my little brother?”

Niall blanches. And then, for the second time today, Niall finds that he’s never been more thankful for having a sunburn.

X

They’ve been together for nearly three years now. It’s been nearly three years since Harry flew across the ocean to propose to another man, and sort of stole Niall’s heart in the process. Nearly three years have passed since Harry got engaged, left his fiancé and flew back across the 6,000 miles for Niall, and never left.

And Niall wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Not even now, when he’s 6,000 miles away from what a real Christmas feels like.

They’re spending this Christmas with Harry’s family in L.A., is the thing.

And he loves Harry’s family. Anne, his mum, is amazing; she’s sweet and caring, like Harry, and motherly, like his own mum, and she bakes the best gingerbread cookies that Niall has ever tasted in his life. Gemma, Harry’s sister, is also sweet and caring, like Harry, but she’s got a sassy, don’t-mess-with-her side to her too – and Niall isn’t afraid of very many people, but he’s equally as afraid of her as he is fond of her. Harry’s step-dad, Robin, is some hot shot billionaire, but he’s laid back, and he’s cool, and he knows he’s rich but he doesn’t particularly act like it.

There’s also Harry’s biological father, Desmond, who is also a pretty cool bloke, only he’s not around very often. And then there’s Harry’s cousins, who remind Niall of his own cousins – loud, and obnoxious at times, but genuinely good people.

He’s spending Christmas with his amazing boyfriend, and his boyfriend’s lovely family. All in all, Niall really doesn’t have very much to complain about.

He’s just…stressed out, is the thing. And he’s-

His thoughts are broken apart by the sound of the patio door opening, and he looks up to see Harry coming through it.

“What’s up, Mr. It’s-way-too-hot-for-Christmas?” Harry asks, a cheeky smile spread across his pink lips. He’s teasing Niall. “What are you doing out here in the heat?”

Niall shrugs. “Needed some fresh air, even if it is unnecessarily stifling.”

Harry sits on the arm of the patio chair Niall’s sitting in, swings one leg over Niall’s lap and then lets it dangle between both of them. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Niall murmurs, resting his head back to get a proper look at Harry’s face, whilst curling his left arm around Harry’s waist. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just having a harder time adjusting to the lack of dreariness than I thought I would.”

Harry frowns slightly, runs a hand through Niall’s fringe. “You sure that’s all it is?”

Niall nods, although it’s not entirely true. “Yeah.”

“We could go to the mall?” Harry suggests, rubbing gently at Niall’s scalp in the way he knows that it soothes him. “They always have it really decorated, with fake snow and everything.”

“Nah, I-“

“Could get our pictures taken with Santa?”

Niall snorts. “What are we, five years old?”

Harry rolls his eyes. “I just- I want you to have fun, Ni,” he whispers. “I want you to enjoy yourself, and mom is worried about you.”

And, shit- The last thing he wanted to do was draw attention to himself like this. He also doesn’t really fancy having Anne think that he’s ungrateful, or something.

“I’m fine, honestly,” Niall insists. He pulls gently at Harry’s hip, until the brunet gets the message and falls, lightly, onto Niall’s lap. “I just want to be with you, that’s all I need.”

Harry hums. “You are with me,” he murmurs, pressing their foreheads together. “Except- Mum wants to watch _A Christmas Carol_ tonight, and I told her that we would join her, and-“

“That’s even better,” Niall says, tilting his head to capture Harry’s lips.

And he does mean it.

X

The ring is white gold, and it makes Niall’s stomach clench every time he opens the box to look at it. It’s simple, and it’s elegant, and it’s beautiful; it’s the single most important piece of jewelry that he’s ever going to buy, and it’s as terrifying as it is wonderful.

He bought it nearly two months ago. He’d been at the mall alone one afternoon, whilst Harry was working, and he’d seen it in the window of the jewelry store – and his first thought had been Harry. And not just because he likes to wear rings.

And it had been so…simple. So easy. He’d gone home empty-handed, and then spent every waking, unoccupied hour thinking about it – thinking about it, and Harry, and it being on Harry’s finger. And it had been so simple, so easy, to think about it. It felt natural. Perfect.

And now the thought of it, of following through with it, terrifies him. Not because he doesn’t want it, or because he doesn’t love Harry – because he does want it, and he is in love with Harry, but because, well-

The sound of the door opening behind him pulls him out of his thoughts, and has him fumbling with the box in his hand to hide it. He only just manages to stuff it down the side of his suitcase and bury it beneath the clothes he still hasn’t worn, when Harry strolls inside the room.

“Hey,” the brunette breathes as he reaches out to pat Niall’s bum before leaning in to press a chaste kiss against Niall’s temple. He’s dripping with sweat from his run, so much so that his muscle shirt is wet with it, sticking to his finely-toned abs.

“Good run?” Niall asks.

“Excellent run,” Harry replies, pulling his shirt off over his head. He tosses it into the hamper next to his old wardrobe. “I think I forgot how much I love the sunrises out here. It’s beautiful.”

Niall hums.

“So- Louis texted me while I was out,” Harry starts. “Tomorrow is his birthday, as you know, and he’s throwing a party tonight so that he can spend Christmas Eve with the little one. He wants to know if we want to go.”

Niall pulls a plain, black t-shirt out of his suitcase, and then zips it closed before he pulls the shirt on over his head. “Do _you_ want to go?”

“I want to do whatever you want to do.”

“Haz.”

The brunet shrugs as he crosses the short distance between them. He stops when he’s standing in front of Niall, both hands cupping Niall’s face. “I do want to go, but it isn’t a big deal if you don’t want to. We can stay in, if you’d rather. My mom would love us to watch It’s a Wonderful Life with her anyway.”

Niall rolls his eyes. “She’d want you to go to Louis’ party, and we both know it.”

“Well, then, what do you want?”

Niall says yes. Of course he says yes. How the bloody hell is he supposed to say no, anyway? Harry hasn’t properly seen Louis, or any of his other friends, in a little under a year – so who is he to say no?

“Yeah?” Harry breathes. And he sounds relieved.

“Of course, Haz. Why would I say no?”

“Because you don’t particularly like the big parties.”

“Well, no,” Niall agrees. “But I love you, so-“

Harry presses their lips together softly. “I love you too.”

Niall smirks. “Great, but- You need to shower. You smell.”

Harry laughs as he pulls back. “Care to join me?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“Can’t,” Niall murmurs. “I promised your mum I’d help her make breakfast.”

The brunet pouts. “I can’t believe you’re choosing cooking with my mother, over being naked with me.”

“I mean, I still have to impress her, you know,” he points out.

Harry huffs, rolls his eyes as he strides towards the door. “And they say that romance isn’t dead.”

X

The party isn’t actually half bad. At least, not as bad as Niall had expected it to be.

It’s busy, with loud music, a lot of booze, and plenty of people – both clothed, and barely clothed.

Harry takes him around Louis’ house, one that’s smaller than Anne’s and Robins, but still easily twice the size of the one he and Harry moved into in London a few months back, and introduces to him to several of his old friends. He also introduces them both to the people he doesn’t recognize, but whom Louis considers friends. He shows Niall around the house, shows him off, and jokes about fucking Niall on Louis’ bed – just because, although Niall’s pretty sure that Harry’s actually only half joking.

And Niall usually enjoys himself at parties. He likes to have drinks, after all, and he likes to unwind at a good party. In his previous, younger years he certainly enjoyed – until the next morning, when he didn’t – getting shit faced, and he still does sometimes, on occasion. But this isn’t one of those occasions. And Niall isn’t even entirely sure that he has a solid answer as to why.

There’s the fact that he’s just not comfortable with all of these strangers, yes, which could be a factor. And the fact that he’d sort of really rather be at home, alone with Harry. And then there’s the fact that he lost Harry in the mix, and now Harry’s so lost in catching up with his friends that it’s like he’s forgotten that Niall even exists – and who is Niall to pull him away? Who is Niall to demand attention from Harry, instead of letting Harry have fun? Who is Niall?

“Niall?”

He’s pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of a vaguely familiar voice behind him, and he whirls around, confused, to see none other than Liam Payne standing in the doorway. Niall freezes in his spot, in front of the kitchen sink, and it’s like his brain has forgotten how to function. He’s never actually spoken to Liam before, apart from that very short exchange a few years ago, is the thing. And he certainly hasn’t seen Liam since then either. What is he supposed to say? Should he apologize for stealing his fiancé?

“I thought I recognized you,” Liam says as he strides across the room, arm extended in front of him.

Niall doesn’t remember his brain communicating with his hand, but he’s glad that it does as he shakes Liam’s hand. “Uh, hey, mate.” He wishes he had prepared for this, but Harry had said that Louis told him that Liam wouldn’t be able to make it. “You made it.”

Liam grins. “Yeah, I was able to catch an earlier flight – which is sick.”

“That’s good.”

“Is Harry around? I haven’t talked to him in ages,” Liam says.

“Um, yeah, he’s around somewhere,” Niall replies. “Lost him a little while ago.”

“Yeah,” Liam hums, sort of fondly. “He’s a social butterfly, that one.”

Niall agrees with a silent nod of his head.

He’s never really thought about meeting Liam before. At least, not properly. And certainly not like this.

“Okay, well- It was nice to finally meet you – properly, anyway,” Liam says, smiling gently. Niall sort of hates that he kind of looks like a puppy.

“Yeah,” Niall says politely. “Nice to officially meet you too.”

“I’ve gotta-“ He cuts himself off, tosses a thumb over his shoulder. “I’ll see you around.”

Niall nods, watches him go silently. He’s not entirely sure what he’d been expecting. Anger? Bitterness? Hatred? He knows he would have been, probably, if he were in Liam’s position – and, technically, he has been, and he has felt that way.

What he knows he wasn’t expecting, was Liam’s actual reaction. Because who does that, anyway?

“Nialler. I see you met Liam…”

Niall looks back over his shoulder, towards the other entrance to the kitchen. “Uh, yeah- Yeah.” He nods, licks at his licks.

Louis smiles sheepishly as pulls the fridge door open to grab another beer. He grabs one for Niall as well. “I would have warned you, if I’d actually known he was coming.”

Niall shrugs, as he uncaps his bottle. “It’s alright, Tommo.”

“So, why are you hiding?”

“What do you mean?”

Louis rolls his eyes, albeit only halfheartedly as he leans back against the counter. “You’re here, in the kitchen, all by yourself, instead of partying it up like the true Irishman I know you are.”

Niall raises an eyebrow.

“Harry still talks about you a lot,” Louis snorts. “So? What’s going on, Irish?”

He could tell Louis. And maybe he would tell Louis, if he could trust Louis not to blab. But Louis has a big mouth when he’s sober and, when he’s drunk, he’s got verbal diarrhea. “Nothing,” he says instead.

Louis’ brow furrows, like he doesn’t believe him, but he doesn’t push it.

As if on cue, Eleanor, Louis’ long-time girlfriend and mother of his four year old son, bounds into the room. She trips, toes banging into her heel, but catches herself gracefully as she smiles at him. “Just the boys I was looking for,” she hums. “Come, I need you.”

“I mean, I’m not sure Harry would appreciate being left out of an orgy, but-“

“Louis!” Eleanor screeches, hands on her hips. “Mind out of the gutter, I only need you for beer pong.”

Louis pouts. “That’s hurtful, babe.”

Eleanor rolls her eyes dramatically, before looking at Niall. “Louis’ going to be my partner, and we can’t find Liam to be Soph’s, so- What do you say, Niall?”

Niall shrugs. He glances at Louis, who shrugs back, and then nods. Because why not?

X

Niall and Sophia win, and they celebrate in a rush of shots and bodies.

The game had gotten rather intense. So much so, that a small crowd had gathered around the table by round five. Said small group turned into a rather large group by the twelfth round, with people having chosen teams to cheer them on.

Niall thinks it’s a bit excessive to be this excited over a drinking game – but it’s fun, and it’s entertaining, and- He gets it, he supposes.

It’s after he wins, whilst Sophia envelops him in a tight hug and a bunch of people pat him on the back one, after another, that Niall realizes that Harry is nowhere to be found. And he gets that too, he does. He understands that this is a party, and that just because they came together it doesn’t mean that Harry has to stay with him the whole time. He gets that Harry knows a lot of these people, and that he hasn’t seen most of them in a couple years, and that this is the perfect opportunity for him to catch up with his own friends.

He gets it. He does. He just… He feels uneasy, is all.

And now he feels overwhelmed- Which is how he winds up stumbling through the back door, feeling a little bit more drunk than he had before he got to the beer pong table. And that, coincidentally, is where he finds Harry.

Harry, who’s sitting across from Liam on a patio lounge chair on the other side of the pool.

He freezes, mid-step. Apologizes to the bloke who bumps into him, for stopping so abruptly. Feels his heart up in his throat, and his stomach plummet. And suddenly he feels like a fool, and he’s hot all over, and he wants to go home. He needs to go home.

His feet take on a mind of their own, then, and they guide him towards where his boyfriend is – towards where his boyfriend is, lounging across one chair, whilst his ex-fiance sits on the end of it. Part of him wants to push Liam – or maybe both of them – into the pool, whilst the other part wants to just…admit defeat, maybe.

Harry notices him as he gets closer, and he smiles. “Hey, babe. Long time, no see.”

Niall hums, ignores the hand that reaches out for him. “I’m gonna head out,” he says instead.

Harry blinks, looks taken aback. “W-What?”

“I’m leaving.”

Harry’s brow furrows in confusion as he sits up. “What are you- Why?”

Niall shrugs. “’s not like I’ve seen you at all for the last couple of hours anyway,” he mutters. “You’d rather sit out here with Liam, so what difference does it make if I’m here or not?”

“Niall,” Harry murmurs, pushing himself to his feet. He looks surprisingly sober, if Niall’s being honest. At least, more sober than Niall expected him to be, anyway. He stands in front of Niall, brows stitched together as he looks at Niall. “I thought- I thought you were having fun.”

“I was, for a bit, because Eleanor convinced me to play a round of beer pong – which you wouldn’t even know, by the way, because you’ve been otherwise preoccupied,” Niall snaps. “Just as you’ve been preoccupied all night.”

“I was catching up some of my old of my friends, Niall,” Harry says defensively. He still looks confused as to why Niall is upset.

“Don’t forget about your ex-fiancé, Haz.”

Harry blinks, opens his mouth to respond- But then Liam is standing up, and both sets of eyes land on him. “Perhaps I should go,” Liam says. “I-“

“No, you stay, I insist,” Niall mutters, stepping back. “He’d rather talk to you anyway.” He turns to leave, then, ignoring the few pairs of eyes that have landed on him.

“I don’t know why you’re so mad, Niall, but that isn’t fair.”

Niall whirls around, gaze hard and narrow as he looks at Harry. “You want to know what’s not fair? Coming to this party for you, because I wanted you to have a good time, and then being left alone to listen to people talk about their sexual encounters with you. Or, looking around to see where you are and finding you out here, being all intimate and cozy with your _ex-fiance_.”

Harry sighs. “Niall-“

“What’s not fair, Harry, is flying across an ocean because I wanted you to have a perfect Christmas, and then-“ he cuts himself off, then. It’s one thing to feel it, in his heart and in his soul, but it’s another thing to say it. It’s another thing to say it to _Harry_.

“And then what?” Harry asks, voice soft and timid.

“And then wondering time and time again if maybe this is where you belong,” Niall finds himself admitting. It’s like he’d removed a few twigs in the dam wrapped around his heart the minute he’d started speaking, and now the dam has broken. He can’t stop himself. “Wondering if you’d be happier here, because sometimes it seems like it. Wondering if you think you made a mistake with me.

“And- Looking at the two of you now- Wondering if I made a mistake in letting you-“

“Niall,” Harry murmurs, taking a step towards him. His hands find the open ends of Niall’s plaid button up, and holds them tight. “It’s not whatever it looks like. That’s not what this was.”

Niall stares at him; feels his heart swell and his stomach churn. He wants to believe Harry, he does. And he does believe Harry, for the most part, he just- He isn’t sure if Harry even knows what he’s talking about. “I just want to leave,” he mutters. “I need to leave.”

“Okay,” Harry whispers. “Okay, I’ll come with you.”

“No, you should stay-“

“Niall-“

“I can make it back on my own.” Niall turns around, then, and leaves. He doesn’t say goodbye, and he doesn’t wait for Harry to respond either. He just- He needs to leave before he says something he’ll regret.

 

It’s when he’s about to climb into the back of his uber, that Harry yells his name and he realizes that the footsteps he heard coming down the driveway behind him wasn’t just some random party-goer.

“I’m coming with you,” Harry says, walking past Niall and around the back of the car.

“Harry, I said-“

Harry glares at him over the top of the car, as he opens the door. “I know what you said, and you can’t just boss me around and expect me to listen. I’m your boyfriend, not your child, so stop treating me like one and get in the damn car.”

Niall sighs, and then he listens.

X

“Are you just not going to talk to me?” Harry asks, shoulder propped up against the door frame and he looks into the loo, watches Niall brush his teeth.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now,” Niall says, barely audible through the toothpaste in his mouth.

“Then when?”

Niall spits, and then rinses his mouth out and wipes his face down with a wash cloth. “I dunno.”

“Because I’m pretty sure my mom-“

“I don’t know, Harry,” Niall snaps. “I’m tired, and I don’t want to talk about it. Perhaps you should have stayed at the party like I told you.”

“How could I have stayed at the party knowing that you’re mad at me and I don’t even know why?”

Niall sighs, runs a hand through his hair as he slips past Harry into the bedroom, where he begins to strip out of his clothes. “I’m not mad at you.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “Yeah, well, you fooled me then.”

“Look,” Niall mutters, as he crawls into Harry’s bed and slips under the covers. He leaves his clothes on the floor, already forgotten. “My head’s a mess right now, and I just need to get some sleep, yeah? We can talk tomorrow, when I don’t feel like the blood is trying to pound its way through my skin.”

Harry doesn’t protest, only disappears into the bathroom and closes the door behind him.

Niall lies back, and then curls up on his right side, hugs the corner of the duvet to his chest and closes his eyes. He can’t tell if it’s the holiday that’s doing him in, or the fact that there’s a ring at the bottom of his suitcase – but either way, he needs to figure out a way to rein himself in.

He feels Harry crawl into bed behind him less than five minutes later, and hears the click of the lamp on his bedside table a few seconds after that. Then he feels Harry’s arms as one wraps its way around Niall’s torso and the other slips gently underneath Niall’s pillow. He sighs, then, and finds himself melting into Harry’s embrace whilst the brunet intertwines their legs and buries his face in the back of Niall’s neck.

“I love you,” Harry whispers.

X

Harry’s side of the bed is empty when Niall wakes up, and he finds that his clothes from the night before have been picked up and discarded inside the hamper in the corner of the room. Harry must have gone for a run, Niall thinks.

He gets dressed slowly, and doesn’t even bother to look at himself in the mirror, despite the fact that he can feel his hair sticking up every which way, before going downstairs- Which is where he finds Harry, in the dining room. And Gemma. And coffee and donuts.

“There you are,” Gemma hums. “Harry said you like anything with chocolate, so I got a bunch of chocolate donuts for breakfast. Dig in. I’m gonna go let the sun help wake me up.” She gets up from her seat, then, and disappears through the back door.

Niall hesitates, eyeing Harry – who won’t meet his gaze, for a few seconds before he takes Gemma’s seat.

“Coffee isn’t good enough for her, she needs the sunlight to give her full energy.”

Niall hums, keeps his gaze trained on Harry – wills Harry to at least look at him – as he opens the box of donuts in front of him. He grabs a plain chocolate one.

Harry looks at him, finally, a moment later. “Mom has a bunch of stuff planned today, but I told her you might not be feeling well,” he murmurs. “Just, you know, in case all of your holiday spirit is gone.”

“It’s not,” Niall whispers.

“Well- Good,” Harry nods, pushing himself to his feet.

“I’m sorry,” Niall whispers, curling both hands around his coffee cup. He’s not even all that hungry. “I acted like an arse last night, and I’m sorry.”

Harry nods, and then disappears into the kitchen.

X

It’s when they’re watching _Love Actually_ with Anne, Robin and Gemma, that Niall realizes that he hasn’t been paying any attention at all, really, that he realizes exactly how much of ass he’s been. He’s been fucking terrible. Between generally just being really moody since they got here, and throwing the fit he did the night before, Niall really wouldn’t be surprised if Harry comes to realize that he’s made a mistake. If Niall weren’t so bloody selfish, he’d tell Harry himself.

The minute the credits start rolling, Niall pokes Harry’s thigh. Harry looks him, eyebrow raised in curiosity, and then Niall cocks his head in a silent display of wanting Harry to follow him outside. And for a moment, as Niall gets up from the sofa and after he excuses him, he thinks that maybe Harry won’t follow him. Until he does.

He waits for the door to close behind him, before he faces Harry. And when he does, Harry looks curious. Hopeful, even. He shortens the distance between them, until they’re nose-to-nose – until all he can see and hear and feel and smell is Harry. And then he closes the gap until their lips touch; softly, albeit hesitantly. “I love you,” he whispers, when he pulls back a few seconds later. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Harry whispers.

“And I’ve been such an arse, Haz, and I’m so sorry.”

Harry’s Adam’s apple bobs hard in his throat as he continues to look at Niall, whilst pushing his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “Is this where you tell me what’s been going on with you the last few days?”

Niall nods, swallows hard around the lump in his throat. “I just…I’ve been stuck in my head, I guess,” he murmurs. “Which is no excuse, I know, but...” He trails off, looks at Harry’s face for any sign of judgment. But Harry never judges him, so of course there isn’t anything there – apart from worry, that is. “I kept seeing you here, with your family, and the friends that stopped by earlier in the week to see you, and I started wondering if maybe you made a mistake in leaving here – if maybe you made a mistake in being with me.”

Harry shakes his head, opens his mouth to respond, but Niall shushes him-

“And then we went to the party,” Niall continues. “And I wanted you to have fun – I did. But I saw you with everyone there, and then I saw you with Liam, and-“

“Nothing happened with Liam,” Harry says urgently. “Nothing was going to.”

“I know,” Niall whispers. And he does; he’s never worried about Harry, and it’s not like he didn’t trust Harry last night either. “I didn’t think anything would, I just…”

Harry lifts his hands, cups Niall’s face gently. “What?” he urges softly.

“I just thought that maybe you made a mistake with him – with leaving him – too.”

Harry shakes his head again. “Niall-“

“Everything just happened so quickly, Harry,” Niall explains. “You followed your boyfriend to a whole other continent to propose to him, got engaged, left him, and then flew back to London to be with me, and I just- I got stuck in my head.”

“You thought that being back here, and seeing everyone – Liam especially – would make me miss it and change my mind,” Harry concludes for him.

Niall blinks, feels the colour rise in his cheeks as he bites the inside of one between his teeth.

“The way I changed my mind with Liam and chose you.”

Niall kind of hates how well Harry can read him – how well he’s always been able to read him. “I-“

“Niall,” Harry sighs, pulling him closer. He rests his elbows on the tops of Niall’s shoulders and leans down, pressing his forehead gently against Niall’s. “I love you.”

“I know,” Niall whispers, his voice shaky.

“And I know that everything happened quickly, and I know that I just sort of jumped into it, but I meant it when I said that I’d never thought so clearly before,” the brunet whispers. “I’ve never wanted anyone more than you, or anything more than _this_. I didn’t change my mind about him, I just…I realized that I had fallen out of love with him, and in love with you. Coming home, and seeing everyone again – Liam included, isn’t going to change that. And do you know why?”

“Because you love me?”

Harry smirks. “Well, that, and- Because at the end of the day, _you’re home_. And that’s the only thing that matters.”

Niall smiles, curling his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. “You’re home for me too,” he murmurs. Promises.

Harry kisses him softly, tenderly, lovingly. And Niall deepens it, pulls him in impossibly closer, clutches at his shoulders, licks into his mouth and whispers ‘I love you’s like promises – and promises himself that tomorrow, Christmas Day, is the day.

X

“Is now a good time to tell you that Liam has a girlfriend?” Harry asks, as he curls himself against Niall’s torso, and intertwines their legs. They’re both sticky and sweating, and they’re both still panting, still coming down from multiple orgasms whimpered and shuddered and muffled into each other’s skin.

“As long as you weren’t just thinking about him that whole time,” Niall scoffs.

Harry rolls his eyes as he lifts his head from Niall’s chest to look at him. “It was your name I kept saying, wasn’t it?”

And, well, yes. It was Niall’s name that Harry kept saying, and whispering, and whimpering, and sobbing, and crying out, the sounds muffled only slightly by Niall’s mouth.

“Anyway, Liam has a girlfriend.”

Niall cocks an eyebrow. “Does he?”

Harry nods. “They’ve been together for two years now. Her name is Sophia.”

“Hm,” Niall murmurs. “I might have played beer pong with her last night.”

“You did,” Harry says. “Louis texted me about it.”

“She’s nice.”

“I haven’t met her yet, but yeah- Louis agrees.”

Niall hums, closes his eyes and finds himself focusing on the way their breathing has become in sync as he drags a finger up and down Harry’s arm absentmindedly.

“That’s what we were talking about outside,” Harry whispers, lying his head back down on Niall’s chest. “He said that he’s never felt this way about anyone, and that he finally gets it now – why I couldn’t be with him anymore after I met you.”

“Oh,” Niall mutters.

“He said he’s been thinking about proposing,” Harry continues. “Which is nice, y’know? That it’s sort of come around full circle. I’m happy for him.”

“Me too,” Niall agrees. And, Harry might not take that to be genuine, if for no other reason than Niall’s earlier reaction to Liam, but it is genuine.

Harry actually, probably, doesn’t have a clue just how genuine Niall feels.

He also feels tired, though, which is why he cards a hand through Harry’s hair and hums his name. “I like talking to you, and I love to hear your voice, but- I like sleep too.”

Harry giggles softly, cranes his neck to press a gently kiss to the underside of Niall’s jaw. “Go to sleep then, silly.”

First, Niall tightens his arms around his boyfriend and melts into his embrace. And then he does as he’s told.

X

“Wait, there’s one left,” Gemma says, reaching in behind the Christmas tree stand to produce a small, square-shaped box wrapped in bright red wrapping paper. “It doesn’t have a name…”

“It’s for Harry,” Niall says, from he’s sat in the corner of one couch, next to Anne and Robin.

Everyone looks at him, but it’s only Harry’s confused and curious gaze that Niall focuses on.

They’ve been exchanging gifts for the better part of the last hour, after having Anne’s homemade eggy bread – or, rather, ‘French toast – for breakfast. The rule was that everyone had to buy each other only one gift – only Anne and Robin went a little overboard buying Gemma, Harry, and Niall five gifts each. Not that Niall is one to talk.

Niall’s stomach has been a wreck all morning, in pure anticipation of what is about to happen. “Open it,” he urges softly, when Harry hesitates.

Harry lifts his gaze from the box in his hand, to meet Niall’s. He blinks. “I don’t…”

Niall leans forward, rests his elbows on his knees and clasps his hands in front of him. He can feel Anne glancing between him and Harry, can feel Robin’s gaze on him, can feel Gemma taking after her mother – but his gaze remains on Harry, and only on Harry. “Open it, babe.”

Harry’s hands shake as he does what he’s told, like he knows what it is and he’s nervous. The wrapping paper comes off in one solid piece, and it flutters to floor at Harry’s feet. He pops the lid open slowly – and then his mouth falls open, and he gasps as his gaze flies upwards, again, to meet Niall’s.

And Niall’s breath gets caught in his throat as he pushes himself to his feet, wipes his sweaty hands on his thighs. It’s like he’s forgotten, entirely, that Harry’s family is still there.

“You- Are you… You can’t be,” Harry breathes. He looks stunned, taken aback, confused. He’s looking at Niall like he’s got three heads – or, at the very least, like he’s gone mad. “You don’t even like the idea of marriage, let alone believe in it.”

Niall shrugs as he takes a step closer, stuffs his hands into the pockets of his joggers. “I believe in you,” he murmurs. “And I believe in us. And I want- I want to make you happy, and I know that you love the idea of marriage-“

“Niall…” Harry whispers, shaking his head. His eyes are shining with unshed tears as he looks at Niall. “You don’t have to marry me just because it’s something I’ve dreamed of if it isn’t something you want. I’m fine with this- I’m _happy_ with this.”

And, well, Niall knows that that’s true. He knows, how Harry feels – despite being stuck in his head over the last few days. And he knows full well that Harry hasn’t mentioned anything about marriage, and he knows that that’s been out of respect for Niall and his stance on it. He knows that Harry would be just as happy, living out the rest of their lives as they are, as he would if they were to get married.

Harry had admitted, after all, that his need to get married to Liam was less about actually getting married and more about wanting to be secure in his future with Liam.

_And I don't want to just take an opportunity – I want to take a risk. With you._

And now Niall wants to take the ultimate risk with Harry.

“The thing is, Harry,” Niall whispers, sinking down on one knee. He keeps his gaze trained on Harry’s the whole time. “The thing is that I do want to marry you. I want to be married to you. I stopped believing in it because of a bad experience, but you’ve given a whole new meaning to it, for me. I want to make you happy, I want to be happy, I want to have kids with you, and grow old with you, and…I want to marry you – if you’ll have me.” He takes the box out of Harry’s hand, peels the white gold band out from between the small cushions inside the box, places the box on the floor next to his knee, and holds the ring up in between them. “Say you’ll have me.”

Harry nods, smiles a watery smile as he holds his left hand out for Niall to take. “Of course I will,” he whispers.

The second Niall slips the ring onto Harry’s finger, Anne, Gemma, and Robin burst into a round of applauses and coos. And then Harry’s grappling at Niall’s shoulders to pull him up, and Niall’s pushing himself up to meet Harry in a kiss that makes him feel like he’s on cloud nine. His arms wind around Harry’s neck, and Harry’s wrap tight around Niall’s torso, and then Harry’s lifting him up off the ground. Niall laughs against Harry’s mouth, curls his legs around Harry’s hips, and just lets Harry hold him.

“I love you,” Harry whispers, lips grazing Niall’s.

Niall smiles and whispers it back before dragging him into another kiss.

 

Anne is the first to hug them both after everything settles – followed by Gemma, and then Robin. They all congratulate them, and Robin laughs about nearly having a heart attack waiting for Harry to just say yes, and Gemma teases them both about how long it took for one of them to _finally propose_ , and Anne just cries tears of joy.

It’s while Robin, Gemma, and Harry disappear into the kitchen to start prepping some of the food for dinner later, talking about how the whole family is going to be thrilled when they find out in a few hours, that Anne pulls Niall aside – which goes seemingly unnoticed.

“I just,” Anne starts, pausing to take a deep breath as she cradles Niall’s face in her hands. “I thought he was absolutely crazy, flying to a whole other country to be with a man he barely knew. I thought he was just going through a phase, and that it wouldn’t last more than a few weeks. And it’s nothing against you, because you’re wonderful, but I never thought that it would last this long. It surpassed what I thought was possible a long time ago, and-

“And I’m so glad it did. I’m so glad that he found you, Niall. You ground him, and you make him happier than I’ve ever seen him, and… And you _love_ him. And I truly think that _that’s_ the greatest gift anyone can give another person, so thank you for giving that to him.”

Niall smiles, blinks away his own tears of joy as he looks at her. “Well, without you there would be no him, so- Thank _you_ for letting me have him.”

Anne pulls him in, hugs him tightly in the way only a mother can.


End file.
